Abbreviated Match Report: Sporting Apostrophes vs U.B.O.C.
“Hinceman regrets the decision to stop applying sun cream at chin level”
Sporting Apostrophes’ assault on the division II title took a sizable step forward last Sunday with a convincing 4-1 victory against U.B.O.C.
“It’s always a close, physical game against U.B.O.C., so it was a real pleasure to take all 3 points,” enthused chairman Ernest Borgnine, his pleasure evident from the freshly inked Gloria Estefan tattoo smiling innocently from his bare, waxed chest. “We didn’t get a single point off them last season: the devil season, season IV, the season of which I will never speak again.”
Match highlights include: double-layer onion cake for both Correa and Pacheco; Stickland celebrating his third win in nineteen appearances; top-drawer man-flinging from Herr Hawkins.
Apostrophes fans’ hopes of promotion look optimistic, as the team lie mid-table, a full 8 points behind league leaders 5IVE. A terrible injustice!
Score: 4-1
Squad: Correa, Hawkins, Hinceman, Kimberley, Lissimore, Pacheco, Stickland, Turner.
Goals: Correa (2), Pacheco (2).