Sporting Apostrophes

“Police will leave no crevice uninvestigated in the search for the holybib”

One of the famous Super A’s red bibs is missing following Sunday’s fixtures.

“I was getting the bibs ready for ‘er indoors to wash,” sobbed kitman and hand sheath enthusiast Hawkins. “There should have been ten… ten…” he continued, releasing a full-on mankatebushwail from the bottom of his bumcaverns.

Players, fans and groupies are encouraged to check their laundry baskets for this piece of sporting history. In the meantime, police will continue their investigations.

The poll to decide the colour of the Super A’s official team strip will end at 9pm on Saturday evening. Fans and players alike are strongly encouraged to get their votes in as soon as possible.

Following consultation with embroidery experts, a series of important revisions have been made to the Sporting Apostrophes club badge to ensure it can be successfully created:

• The team name is now larger, and the outline stroke has been removed.
• The text beneath the badge has also increased in size to ensure legibility once stitched.
• The Latin motto is now beneath the badge rather than on the sash.
• Flames add drama and excitment.
• At the request of Pele’s agent, the footballs are now brown like his employer’s testes.

The Sporting Apostrophes official club badge was unveiled today at a packed press conference in east London.

Any die-hard Apostrophes fan will immediately recognise the significance of the various components of the badge; to help the ignorant:

• The badge boasts an officially licensed likeness of Pele, smiling broadly after yet another devastating Super A’s performance.
• The two golden footballs represent Pele’s generous, loving plums (refer to the history section of this website for more information).
• The motto “A ATROX INIQUITAS” – “A terrible injustice” in Latin.
• The badge features three gold stars, the meaning of which is a terrible, terrible secret.

Officially licensed merchandise will be available from all good sports retailers shortly.

“The club boasts state-of-the-art offshore laundry facilities”

The Super A’s have reappointed Hawkins as Head of Laundry following a catalogue of errors by stand-in Stickland.

“He didn’t even wash the sacred bibs! As any fan will tell you, a match-worn Sporting Apostrophes bib goes for £1000s on eBay, so I can’t help but question his motives.”

Fans and players are strongly encouraged to vote for the colour of the new kit, scheduled to debut next season, at the official Super A’s website.