3.40pm kick-off, Sunday 16th August 2009 at Powerleague London City.
Please leave a comment indicating your availability for this unmissable Super A’s fixture.
Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rest squad members.
“Turner ruled the The Beverly Hills Polo Club with an iron biltong”
Fans’ forums were ablaze following news of a vote-rigging scandal which has influenced the results of the Super A’s coveted Man-of-the-Match gong. Investigators have discovered a number of votes for Pacheco originating from Australia, identified by their IP address. Pacheco himself has been exonerated following interrogation, leaving the crooked finger of blame pointing at Turner, whose aboriginal roots are as sinister as they are proven.
“We’ll keep a close eye on the votes from now on,” chairman Ernest Borgnine informed the assembled media outside the crowd. “This prestigious award cannot and will not be abused.”
Turner has been dogged by controversy in recent months: allegations of player-poaching; leading the The Beverly Hills Polo Club into administration; reaching his 30s; onion sickness. The aging midfielder has much to prove in Sunday’s fixture against Minety.
“No shermanizing from Stickland, just quality deputising”
Sporting Apostrophes chalked up another three points on Sunday in what proved to be a chaotic match for the world’s favourite football team.
“We had very few players fit and available this week,” chairman Ernest Borgnine conceded. “With transport problems and last-minute alcohol injuries thrown into the mix, it’s remarkable that we managed to get anything from this game, but I’m proud of the boys nonetheless.”
With so few players available for selection, Cameo made his second appearance of the season, and, remarkably, his son pulled on the famous yellow jersey for the first time, such was the Apostrophes’ need.
Match highlights include: an incredible 5-goal haul for Hannigan-Daley, capping a virtuoso performance; Stickland’s clean silk sheets in the second half; Correa’s trademark, bullish play, buoyed by stereo onion; Pacheco’s refusal to take the field until all three points were in the bag; Cameo and his son helping the Super A’s cause.
The Super’s A’s lie sixth in the table, their hopes of promotion less likely than a Bobby Robson omelette. A terrible injustice!
Score: 8-4
Squad: Cameo, Cameo Jnr, Correa, Hannigan-Daley, Pacheco, Stickland.
Goals: Hannigan-Daley (5), Correa (2), Cameo (1).
1.40pm kick-off, Sunday 9th August 2009 at Powerleague London City.
Please leave a comment indicating your availability for this unmissable Super A’s fixture.
Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, management reserve the right to rest squad members.
“Haig and his Jock brethren console each other after gagging on the Apostrophes’ onion quiche”
Sporting Apostrophes were awarded a 10-0 victory against no-show opponents Real So So Bad in last week’s division II fixture.
“We’ve got them running scared,” declared chairman Ernest Borgnine. “Our opponents are now so fearful of the Sporting Apostrophes that they’d rather leave the league than choke on onion. It’s highly, highly, super probable that we’ll be the only team left in the division by the end of the season. By the end of next season, we’ll be the only team in the entire league. Come Christmas, we’ll be the only football team on the planet. This irrepressible onion fear will be pandemic.”
With no league fixture to play, the Super A’s played an exhibition match against old rivals One Flew In The Keepers Net, who are currently battling for the division I championship with Static Data. To avoid injuries at this critical time of the season, the Apostrophes took pity on their opponents and gifted them a 6-4 victory.
“There was no point firing up the onion cannon,” commented Correa, Sporting Apostrophes top onion bag violator. “We’ll save that for next week’s match with U.B.O.C.”
1pm kick-off, Sunday 2nd August 2009 at Powerleague London City.
Please leave a comment indicating your availability for this unmissable Super A’s fixture.
“Hawkins shows the fans the incredible goalscoring face of Correa”
Sporting Apostrophes’ thrill-a-minute fixture with old rivals Green Park ended in a narrow 3-2 defeat for the Super A’s.
“Regardless of the result, you can’t help but shower praise on both sets of players following a match of that quality,” enthused chairman Ernest Borgnine. “The game had everything: skill, flair, passion, astroturf, onion bag violations, you name it. Three points would have been the icing on the cake, but as it transpired we got none, so it was more like the poo-soiling on the hand-made leather uppers.”
Bell and Correa, rested for last week’s fixture, returned to the starting line-up. Making his landmark 25th appearance for the famous yellows, Stickland joined the pair, accompanied by “guarantee” Farnsworth. “adhesive digits” Hawkins resumed sheathmaster duties, with midfield maestro Wessely and Pacheco completing the “sete magníficos.”
“Astroturf Godfather” Dizzy Gillespie, given the privilege of refereeing the world’s favourite club for the umpteenth time, peeped his whistle to commence the match. From the outset, Sporting Apostrophes, eager to continue their good run of form, played premium, high-tempo deliciousball orchestrated by Pacheco and Wessely from the middle of the park.
“Esta equipa cheiro muito bom!” Green Park’s manager screamed, though few could understand him.
Against the will of God and indeed the run of play, Green Park drew first blood, to the dismay of the partizan crowd. Another soon followed, leaving Sporting Apostrophes with a two goal deficit and a stadium filled with irate supporters.
“This isn’t delicious at all, it’s just rubbish!” they cried, somewhat unfairly.
Fans’ hopes were restored by a Farnsworth spot kick, put away neatly at the second attempt. Correa levelled the scores with a unique “face volley,” before Powerleague’s greatest referee blew for the orange segment party.
“Eles são bons, mas você tem que negar-lhes cebola oportunidade!” yelled Green Park’s manager, though few could understand him.
The Super A’s rained shot after shot upon Green Park’s goal, an almost Biblical shower of onion hailstones, each bigger than a Geoff Capes floater. A sterling performance by Green Park’s sheathmaster, the post and downright bad luck denied the world a Sporting Apostrophes victory that would have been more beautiful than a Nelson Mandela handshake.
For the third time this season, Sporting Apostrophes retired to the luxurious splendour of their Changing and Manly Regeneration Complex having lost by a solitary goal, a single, orphan devil-onion authored by the loins of the opposition. A terrible injustice!
Score: 2-3
Squad: Bell, Correa, Farnsworth, Hawkins, Pacheco, Stickland, Wessely.
Goals: Correa (1), Farnsworth (1).
2.20pm kick-off, Sunday 26th July 2009 at Powerleague London City.
Please leave a comment indicating your availability for this unmissable Super A’s fixture.
“Stickland’s pins: as blurry as the memory of his last goal, scored way back in June 2008”
A ticker-tape parade greeted Sporting Apostrophes’ victorious heroes following their second consecutive victory, a first for the world famous club.
“It’s fitting that this miracle happened on the occasion of our 60th match,” an elated Ernest Borgnine commented, his pride swelling visibly within his corduroys. “Two wins on the bounce – perhaps the boys can make it three next Sunday against Green Park? OK, so we’ve never beaten them and they’re on a good run of form, but where there’s a will there’s a Ray Charles.”
Fans were treated to a festival of onion as every outfield player chalked up a strike, with the notable exception of Stickland, whose last goal came over a year ago. “guarantee” Farnsworth delivered on his promises with stereo violations, while Pacheco added to his impressive tally of 9 from 7, putting pressure on current top scorer Correa. Wessely scored a sublime top-corner effort, matched by Kimberley’s audacious “foul-kick-barge” pokeathon. Hannigan-Daley, back from exile in Canada, made it 5 in 2, following the 4 scored on his debut earlier this season, also against Team Wang.
“They’re a nice bunch Team Wang, but they seemed in a frightfully bad mood today,” said Hawkins, his mouth foaming, such was his joy at baking victory cakes. “Their jolly in the New Forest may have cost them more than they realise.”
Sporting Apostrophes quest for promotion is still alive, albeit in a comatose, anesthetised fashion, like a still-born, quaaludes-addicted tortoise called David. A terrible injustice!
Score: 6-3
Squad: Farnsworth, Hannigan-Daley, Hawkins, Kimberley, Pacheco, Stickland, Wessely.
Goals: Farnsworth (2), Hannigan-Daley (1), Kimberley (1), Pacheco (1), Wessely (1).
1pm kick-off, Sunday 19th June 2009 at Powerleague London City.
Please leave a comment indicating your availability for this unmissable Super A’s fixture.
“Farnsworth licks the air with disgust after missing a penalty against Frutti di Mare”
Sporting Apostrophes’ all-time record scorer Farnsworth has reiterated his desire for onion bag violations following this season’s disappointing haul of just four goals to date.
“I scored 24 last season, and 22 the season before, so I am quite frankly outraged that people dare question my thirst for goals,” the Yorkshireman raged. “I’ve missed a few matches this season thanks to my persistent wedding injury, but I’m the Rotherham Schwarzenegger: I’ll be back.”
Farnsworth’s next appearance will be against Team Wang on Sunday, the team against which he scored his first halfdozerlation.
“Stickland has the best of both balls”
A quintet of footballing genii delivered a hard-earned victory for the Super A’s in Sunday’s action-packed, 15-goal thriller.
“A well-deserved win against an unsporting, uncivilised mob,” exclaimed chairman Ernest Borgnine, feasting on onion canapés at the post-match buffet. “They’re bottom of the table, and deservedly so. How dare they refuse to shake paws with my players after the game? How very dare they? Mark my words, we’ll beat them when next we meet, by a more handsome margin too I’ll wager.”
Match highlights include: quadruple violation goodness from the mysterious Cameo; a Correa hat-trick, making him this season’s top scorer on 10 goals; top-drawer sheath pouncing from between-the-sticks Stickland; energetic tolling from Bell; pulsating, dark chocolate determination from Kimberley.
Sporting Apostrophes’ haul of 10 points from 10 leaves them languishing mid-table in division II. A terrible injustice!
Score: 8-7
Squad: Bell, Cameo, Correa, Kimberley, Stickland.
Goals: Cameo (4), Correa (3), Bell (1).
