Sporting Apostrophes

“Very small crowds of very excited fans gathered to watch Reid warm up his very famous right peg on Saturday”

With their bruising first season nearing its end, the Super A’s succumbed to the superior athleticism and coordinating strip of Unsung Heroes, losing a respectable 5-2.

“This victory has brought them a worthy promotion” conceded chairman Ernest Borgnine. “However, I still think we were robbed, the referee was clearly bent, and the ball was under-inflated, no question.”

Sporting Apostrophes, deeply traumatised by the lack of substitutes for their first “Super Sunday”, began the game with a number of fans’ favourites gracing the white astroturf. Hawkins hoped to continue his fine form with the hand sheathes, protected by the immobile defensive wall of McInerney. Kimberley, fed by midfield wizard Bonell, aimed to add to his impressive haul of goals this season, with the help of Reid, on loan from Aston Villa.

The Super A’s stroked the ball around admirably, probing the Unsung Heroes for obvious vulnerabilities. Upon finding they had none, the Apostrophes found themselves under the hammer. The defensive heroics of Hawkins and “static” McInerney could only save the virginal dignity of the onion bag for the first ten minutes, before Unsung Heroes opened their account with two near identical goals. Sporting Apostrophes replied with a genuine wonder goal from Sweden’s Bonell followed by a Reid rocket, but it wasn’t enough to stop the team returning to the palatial splendour of their dressing room at half time a goal behind.

With energy in short supply and the substitutes bench unoccupied, the Super A’s fortunes waned as the second half progressed. The team laboured on, searching for opportunities, the vocal crowd willing them to overturn the one goal deficit. Despite their brave efforts, the boney, death-finger of exhaustion tapped each player on the shoulder, allowing Unsung Heroes to add a brace to their account.

“Kimberley’s left his shooting boots at home,” sighed one season ticket holder upon leaving the stadium. “So much for the ‘in-form’ striker tag!”

Sporting Apostrophes prop up the table with a miserly, Mugabe-like three points. A terrible injustice!

Score: 2-5
Squad: Bonell, Hawkins, Kimberley, McInerney, Reid.
Goals: Bonell (1), Reid (1).