Abbreviated match report: Sporting Apostrophes vs Centrepoint FC
“Correa celebrates his fourth onion with Wessely”
Sporting Apostrophes’ assault on the division II championship gathered pace with a convincing victory against Centrepoint FC.
“We dished out our unique brand of canary yellow punishment and it made them gag like a mouthful of English mustard,” boasted chairman Ernest Borgnine, his chest puffed out through a combination of pride and his freshly-waxed grandfatherly moobs. “I can already smell the Dettox on the winners’ podium, and you mark my words, I’ll be the first to hold the championship trophy aloft when we win it.”
Match highlights include: yet another double hat-trick for Farnsworth, the sixth of his career; a welcome appearance from Correa, his first of the season following his life-threatening home decorating illness; ever-present Stickland; a late, late show from Wessely; another taste of Tinsley, with some top drawer defensive play; stereo violations for Hinceman, though his second is hotly disputed.
With just two matches remaining, Sporting Apostrophes lead the division II table by 3 points. A win next week would guarantee the championship, immortality and unfettered access to a thousand virgins beyond the grave. A terrible injustice!
Stats
Score: 12-5
Squad: Correa, Farnsworth, Hinceman, Stickland, Tinsley, Wessely.
Goals: Farnsworth (6), Correa (4), Hinceman (2).
I scored one in this on slaught of goals.