Sporting Apostrophes to launch new kit in September
“Excitement grips the entire planet as the new Sporting Apostrophes kit is announced”
Sporting Apostrophes have confirmed the launch of their new official team strip in September, marking a new era of professionalism for the world famous club.
“Shaw Tyre & Exhaust Co. abandoned us in our hour of need, and the subsequent kit we trialled was an unmitigated disaster,” said chairman Ernest Borgnine, addressing the myriad journalists gathered at the Apostrophes Media Centre. “In stark contrast to its predecessor, the new jersey will be breathable and short-sleeved, which is sure to maximise the aerodynamic coefficient ratio factor science by a significant spacemargin. The big, embroidered, infinitely kissable Sporting Apostrophes badge is to die for. Oh, and the matching numbered shorts are a nice touch.”
Players’ agents have expressed concern that each squad member will only be issued with the new apparel upon receipt of a £20 fee, but Borgnine dismissed the claims out of hand, citing the need to reinvest in the team’s forced labour facility in the third world.
Oh the excitement!