Sporting Apostrophes

Hinceman pulls up his trousers having chosen not to use the toilet following a trademark Borgnine pebble-dashing.

Hinceman’s Oktoberfest “holiday” was today revealed as a cover story for his proposed mega-money transfer to Bundesliga champions Bayern Munich.

“He has pace, height in abundance and his own kit – who wouldn’t want a player with those qualities?” remarked one Apostrophes fan upon hearing the news.

Rumours suggest that Kimberley may be used as a makeweight in the deal, but Bayern have expressed interest in receiving a family-size pack of Wagon Wheels instead.