Sporting Apostrophes

“Gillespie sin-bins Pacheco without even looking at him, demonstrating his superior refereeing powers”

Sporting Apostrophes winning start to season VI continued with a hard-earned victory against old rivals Team Wang.

“It could have gone either way, but the yellows dug deep to claim the three points,” remarked chairman Ernest Borgnine, perspiration rolling down his forehead, such was the excitement and drama of the spectacle. “That’s now three wins on the bounce – a new club record that we’re justifiably proud of.”

The drama unfolded before the game had even begun, as the Super A’s started the match with just four players. “terrorist” Farnsworth, Hawkins, Kimberley and Pacheco played a low-tempo cautionball, as they waited anxiously for reinforcements. Despite their numerical disadvantage, Kimberley poked home a sweet drive, the culmination of a lengthy period of possession for the Apostrophes.

A shadow fell upon the stadium and the temperature plummeted, as the sun disappeared, blocked out by the sudden presence of Hinceman.

“He’s such a tardy Yank!” cried the fans, as the “beast from Baltimore” waited patiently for a break in play so as to join the melee.

The American made his presence felt immediately, helping the Apostrophes to a 2-0 lead, courtesy of some delicious sexball from Pacheco. Fans expected and hoped for a torrent of goals, but Team Wang fought back, the equaliser coming by way of a nutmeg flavoured Hawkins doughnut. Sporting Apostrophes fell behind, before Hinceman levelled the scores on the stroke of half time.

The Super A’s kicked off the second half, tired, but determined to take the spoils of onion war. Farnsworth’s appetite was demonstrated by his eagerness to take free kicks, regardless of which team they were awarded to. “Johnny come lately” Hinceman endeared himself to the fans with two sweetly taken touchdowns, completing his first hat-trick for the Apostrophes, as the game started to turn ugly with the score at 5-apiece.

“You are rubbish – I am brilliant!” said Pacheco, chastising his opposite number and receiving much the same in return. Handbags flailed, words were exchanged, and Pacheco was given his marching orders by referee Dizzy Gillespie.

“It must be the right decision, he’s the best ref in the league, probably the world,” agreed the fans. “He so good, he can officiate whilst talking to people on the sidelines and not even looking. Incredible!”

A man down and with full-time looming, Sporting Apostrophes fans feared the worst, until Farnsworth knocked in the winner, elevating the crowd into a state of uncontrollable, Ghost of Princess Diana ecstasy.

“Toot!” went Gillespie’s whistle, leaving the jubilant yellows to celebrate a narrow victory in front of die-hard fans in the Grammar End.

Season VI continues to excite fans and pundits alike, as the Super A’s battle for promotion gains momentum, though the privilege of leading the table is given to Green Park on goal difference. A terrible injustice!

Score: 6-5
Squad: Farnsworth, Hawkins, Hinceman, Kimberley, Pacheco.
Goals: Hinceman (3), Farnsworth (1), Kimberley (1), Pacheco (1).