Abbrebiated Match Report: Sporting Apostrophes vs VJJ
“Farnsworth opens his season VI account with an impressive strike”
The Apostrophes kicked off their historic sixth season in great style, overcoming opponents VJJ in a thrilling 6-4 victory.
“That’s the way to do it!” exclaimed chairman Ernest Borgnine, aping Mr. Punch. “Our rigorous preseason, conducted in just seven days, has transformed the team beyond recognition. It’s astonishing: reminiscent of Bill Bixby’s transformation into Lou Ferrigno’s Hulk. Their hard work has reaped dividends, but it’s the intensive diet programme that’s paramount: quiche for the defenders, onions for the boys up top, with the lads in the middle on the black pudding.”
Match highlights include: Hannigan-Daley’s third consecutive 5-goal haul, making 20 goals in just 5 appearances; “guarantee” Farnsworth’s inevitable strike; meat-based hula hoop from the midfield trio of Correa, Turner, Wessely; the return of matador Pacheco; Stickland’s handsheath left and rightery.
Sporting Apostrophes open season VI with an impressive victory, but are denied the privilege of leading the table due to Green Park’s superior number of onions peeled. A terrible injustice!
Score: 6-4
Squad: Correa, Farnsworth, Hannigan-Daley, Pacheco, Stickland, Turner, Wessely.
Goals: Hannigan-Daley (5), Farnsworth (1).