Sporting Apostrophes

“Turner ruled the The Beverly Hills Polo Club with an iron biltong”

Fans’ forums were ablaze following news of a vote-rigging scandal which has influenced the results of the Super A’s coveted Man-of-the-Match gong. Investigators have discovered a number of votes for Pacheco originating from Australia, identified by their IP address. Pacheco himself has been exonerated following interrogation, leaving the crooked finger of blame pointing at Turner, whose aboriginal roots are as sinister as they are proven.

“We’ll keep a close eye on the votes from now on,” chairman Ernest Borgnine informed the assembled media outside the crowd. “This prestigious award cannot and will not be abused.”

Turner has been dogged by controversy in recent months: allegations of player-poaching; leading the The Beverly Hills Polo Club into administration; reaching his 30s; onion sickness. The aging midfielder has much to prove in Sunday’s fixture against Minety.

“No shermanizing from Stickland, just quality deputising”

Sporting Apostrophes chalked up another three points on Sunday in what proved to be a chaotic match for the world’s favourite football team.

“We had very few players fit and available this week,” chairman Ernest Borgnine conceded. “With transport problems and last-minute alcohol injuries thrown into the mix, it’s remarkable that we managed to get anything from this game, but I’m proud of the boys nonetheless.”

With so few players available for selection, Cameo made his second appearance of the season, and, remarkably, his son pulled on the famous yellow jersey for the first time, such was the Apostrophes’ need.

Match highlights include: an incredible 5-goal haul for Hannigan-Daley, capping a virtuoso performance; Stickland’s clean silk sheets in the second half; Correa’s trademark, bullish play, buoyed by stereo onion; Pacheco’s refusal to take the field until all three points were in the bag; Cameo and his son helping the Super A’s cause.

The Super’s A’s lie sixth in the table, their hopes of promotion less likely than a Bobby Robson omelette. A terrible injustice!

Score: 8-4

Squad: Cameo, Cameo Jnr, Correa, Hannigan-Daley, Pacheco, Stickland.
Goals: Hannigan-Daley (5), Correa (2), Cameo (1).

1.40pm kick-off, Sunday 9th August 2009 at Powerleague London City.

Please leave a comment indicating your availability for this unmissable Super A’s fixture.

Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, management reserve the right to rest squad members.

“Haig and his Jock brethren console each other after gagging on the Apostrophes’ onion quiche”

Sporting Apostrophes were awarded a 10-0 victory against no-show opponents Real So So Bad in last week’s division II fixture.

“We’ve got them running scared,” declared chairman Ernest Borgnine. “Our opponents are now so fearful of the Sporting Apostrophes that they’d rather leave the league than choke on onion. It’s highly, highly, super probable that we’ll be the only team left in the division by the end of the season. By the end of next season, we’ll be the only team in the entire league. Come Christmas, we’ll be the only football team on the planet. This irrepressible onion fear will be pandemic.”

With no league fixture to play, the Super A’s played an exhibition match against old rivals One Flew In The Keepers Net, who are currently battling for the division I championship with Static Data. To avoid injuries at this critical time of the season, the Apostrophes took pity on their opponents and gifted them a 6-4 victory.

“There was no point firing up the onion cannon,” commented Correa, Sporting Apostrophes top onion bag violator. “We’ll save that for next week’s match with U.B.O.C.”