Sporting Apostrophes

“Hawkins shows the fans the incredible goalscoring face of Correa”

Sporting Apostrophes’ thrill-a-minute fixture with old rivals Green Park ended in a narrow 3-2 defeat for the Super A’s.

“Regardless of the result, you can’t help but shower praise on both sets of players following a match of that quality,” enthused chairman Ernest Borgnine. “The game had everything: skill, flair, passion, astroturf, onion bag violations, you name it. Three points would have been the icing on the cake, but as it transpired we got none, so it was more like the poo-soiling on the hand-made leather uppers.”

Bell and Correa, rested for last week’s fixture, returned to the starting line-up. Making his landmark 25th appearance for the famous yellows, Stickland joined the pair, accompanied by “guarantee” Farnsworth. “adhesive digits” Hawkins resumed sheathmaster duties, with midfield maestro Wessely and Pacheco completing the “sete magníficos.”

“Astroturf Godfather” Dizzy Gillespie, given the privilege of refereeing the world’s favourite club for the umpteenth time, peeped his whistle to commence the match. From the outset, Sporting Apostrophes, eager to continue their good run of form, played premium, high-tempo deliciousball orchestrated by Pacheco and Wessely from the middle of the park.

“Esta equipa cheiro muito bom!” Green Park’s manager screamed, though few could understand him.

Against the will of God and indeed the run of play, Green Park drew first blood, to the dismay of the partizan crowd. Another soon followed, leaving Sporting Apostrophes with a two goal deficit and a stadium filled with irate supporters.

“This isn’t delicious at all, it’s just rubbish!” they cried, somewhat unfairly.

Fans’ hopes were restored by a Farnsworth spot kick, put away neatly at the second attempt. Correa levelled the scores with a unique “face volley,” before Powerleague’s greatest referee blew for the orange segment party.

“Eles são bons, mas você tem que negar-lhes cebola oportunidade!” yelled Green Park’s manager, though few could understand him.

The Super A’s rained shot after shot upon Green Park’s goal, an almost Biblical shower of onion hailstones, each bigger than a Geoff Capes floater. A sterling performance by Green Park’s sheathmaster, the post and downright bad luck denied the world a Sporting Apostrophes victory that would have been more beautiful than a Nelson Mandela handshake.

For the third time this season, Sporting Apostrophes retired to the luxurious splendour of their Changing and Manly Regeneration Complex having lost by a solitary goal, a single, orphan devil-onion authored by the loins of the opposition. A terrible injustice!

Score: 2-3
Squad: Bell, Correa, Farnsworth, Hawkins, Pacheco, Stickland, Wessely.
Goals: Correa (1), Farnsworth (1).