Abbreviated Match Report: Sporting Apostrophes vs Team Wang
“Stickland’s pins: as blurry as the memory of his last goal, scored way back in June 2008”
A ticker-tape parade greeted Sporting Apostrophes’ victorious heroes following their second consecutive victory, a first for the world famous club.
“It’s fitting that this miracle happened on the occasion of our 60th match,” an elated Ernest Borgnine commented, his pride swelling visibly within his corduroys. “Two wins on the bounce – perhaps the boys can make it three next Sunday against Green Park? OK, so we’ve never beaten them and they’re on a good run of form, but where there’s a will there’s a Ray Charles.”
Fans were treated to a festival of onion as every outfield player chalked up a strike, with the notable exception of Stickland, whose last goal came over a year ago. “guarantee” Farnsworth delivered on his promises with stereo violations, while Pacheco added to his impressive tally of 9 from 7, putting pressure on current top scorer Correa. Wessely scored a sublime top-corner effort, matched by Kimberley’s audacious “foul-kick-barge” pokeathon. Hannigan-Daley, back from exile in Canada, made it 5 in 2, following the 4 scored on his debut earlier this season, also against Team Wang.
“They’re a nice bunch Team Wang, but they seemed in a frightfully bad mood today,” said Hawkins, his mouth foaming, such was his joy at baking victory cakes. “Their jolly in the New Forest may have cost them more than they realise.”
Sporting Apostrophes quest for promotion is still alive, albeit in a comatose, anesthetised fashion, like a still-born, quaaludes-addicted tortoise called David. A terrible injustice!
Score: 6-3
Squad: Farnsworth, Hannigan-Daley, Hawkins, Kimberley, Pacheco, Stickland, Wessely.
Goals: Farnsworth (2), Hannigan-Daley (1), Kimberley (1), Pacheco (1), Wessely (1).