Sporting Apostrophes

“Hawkins’ sheathed displays have made him a transfer target”

Super Sunday proved to be less than super for the Super A’s, who supped at the soup of defeat for their supper, Green Park the maître d’.

“What were we supposed to do?” protested Ernest Borgnine, his nostrils flaring with rage. “They had hundreds of players – hundreds! With just four legends fit and available we were always going to struggle, and didn’t we just!”

The Super A’s, weary from their molestation at the hands of Team Wang, fielded the same line-up for Super Sunday, part deux.

“Witness the fitness!” chanted the fans, amazed at the spectacle of five grown men willing to participate in physical activity for more than an hour.

Hawkins, having made an awe-inspiring, winning cameo appearance for division I relegation candidates Lethal Bum, was singled out for additional praise by fans in the Grammar End:

“He’s taaaalllll….
an albino aaaape…
his hands are made…. of Sellotape
Haww..kiiinnnssss….
Haww..kiiinnnssss….”

Blessed as Diana and the Ghost of Christopher Reeve, a youthful Spike Lee was delirious with joy at the prospect of witnessing more Apostrophes magic at close-hand, as he blew his whistle to proceed with the ripening of the banana.

Sporting Apostrophes’ hopes of an improbable victory were soon dashed by Green Park, as their innumerable army of players ran riot, chasing the sphere, poking it, stabbing it like a Hackney schoolboy. The banana was a rich mustard colour by the time Sporting tasted onion, courtesy of the ageless McInerney, who scored his second brace of the day.

With the blackened banana weeping its innards onto the astroturf, Apostolov added a consolation violation, but the sphincter-tearing, grenade-like suppository of defeat was once again thrust into the Apostrophes, who suffered their seventh successive defeat.

With just two matches remaining in season IV, Sporting Apostrophes remain rooted to the foot of division II. A terrible injustice!

Score: 4-13
Squad: Apostolov, Hawkins, Hinceman, Kimberley, McInerney.
Goals: Apostolov (1), McInerney (2) + one one goal.