Sporting Apostrophes

“A distraught Sporting Apostrophes fan kneels before Bonell”

Apostrophes legend Bonell has announced his retirement at the end of the season.

“It’s been a privilege playing for the greatest team the world has ever known, and I’m grateful to the fans for their indefatigable support,” he enthused, weeping tears from both his eyes and his penis. “After much soul searching, followed by an anguished, fist-clenching dump, I’ve finally come to the realisation that it’s time for me to pursue other interests. I may, however, return for the occasional exhibition match, to remind fans how great Swede and onion taste together.”

An original Apostrophe, the cultured Scandinavian made his debut in the Super A’s very first match at Powerleague Old Street against the now defunct Sugary Teas. Bonell proceeded to wear the famous jersey a total of 19 times, making him the eighth most capped player in the team’s history. The versatile midfielder demonstrated a healthy appetite for onion, scoring a very respectable 9 goals, winning the coveted man-of-the-match award on five occasions.

Bonell, ever the entertainer, saved the best for last, making arguably his finest appearance for the Apostrophes in his last game, scoring 2 goals and earning the man-of-the-match gong.

“He’ll never be forgotten,” added an emotional chairman Ernest Borgnine, the mastermind behind Bonell’s transfer to the world famous club. “We wish him the very best with his future endeavours.”

To view Bonell’s Sporting Apostrophes player profile, please click here.