Match report: Sporting Apostrophes vs Dynamo Kebab
“Kimberley turns up the thermostat with his dynamic play”
Arctic weather conditions could do little to subdue the potent footballing tsunami unleashed by the Super A’s last Sunday, as they romped home to an impressive 6-2 victory against Dynamo Kebab.
“Beautiful passing AND firm stabbing – I’m ecstatic!” enthused Ernest Borgnine, delighted to see the team chalk up their first three points of the season. “We could have been more direct at times: I was hoping for a few more violations, but the team played as a unit, reminiscent of the magnificent Star Fleet.”
Not unlike condensed milk, Sporting Apostrophes once again concentrated an incredible volume of talent into a slimline, threadbare line-up, undiluted by the presence of substitutes. Attacking was clearly the plat du jour; a three-pronged, Dremel-like goal weapon consisting of Farnsworth, Kimberley and McInerney was deployed up top, Sporting’s all-time top onion bag violators. With Wessely supporting from the middle and Hawkins fully sheathed, Apostrophes fans hoped for much deliciousness. Haemorraging talent from every orifice, the team were never likely to leave the die-hard Grammaticals wanting.
Unfazed by the delayed kick-off, Sporting Apostrophes took the game to their opponents from the first whistle. Anal cheers echoed around the terraces as the Super A’s drew first blood, a richly deserved Maserati from Farnsworth. An Aston Martin from McInerney, coupled with a Kimberley Kia ensured the team retired at half time with a comfortable three goal cushion.
Hawkins’ boyhood dream of keeping a clean sheet, whether at home or on the field, was thwarted by a fortunate Dynamo Kebab goal, to the the dismay of fans. Another followed, but Sporting Apostrophes’ surprisingly up-tempo work-rate reaped dividends. Some pleasing tippy-tappy football orchestrated by Wessley delivered three more goals, with “guarantee” Farnsworth completing his hat-trick, and another vicious stab from “static” McInerney, back to his best following a lengthy absence.
Sporting Apostrophes climb to fourth place in the division II league table. A terrible injustice!
Score: 6-2
Squad: Farnsworth, Hawkins, Kimberley, McInerney, Wessely.
Goals: Farnsworth (3), McInerney (2), Kimberley (1).