Posted under
Match reports
“Fans show their love for the onion bag violations”
With their punishing second season nearing the half way mark, the Super A’s succumbed to the superior fitness and miscellaneous, distracting hairstyles of Los Diablos, losing 10-4.
“It was a cracking game, a bloody corker!” enthused chairman Ernest Borgnine during his regular, post-match coffee enema. “The boys displayed great teamwork and, despite the result going against us, I’m convinced that our beloved sponsor Shaw Tyre & Exhaust Co will acknowledge that we’re making real progress.”
The vast, real life crowd gasped in awe as the Apostrophes superstars took the field in their famous yellow strip. McInerney, chasing Kimberley’s scoring record, headed the team in attack, supported by recent signings Farnsworth and Hinceman in midfield. Lissimore adopted his usual defensive role, whilst Hawkins slipped all ten of his suspiciously adhesive digits into the legendary hand sheathes.
Buoyed by the deafening cheers of the genuine fans, the Super A’s unique “total football” experience commenced at 3pm on the nose, officiated once again by fans’ favourite Mugabe. The Apostrophes stroked the ball around the pitch beautifully, the three-pronged attack of Farnsworth, Hinceman and McInerney proving more successful than a much loved fork, possibly even more so than the trident of a fictional manbeast from the sea.
Inevitably, with no substitutes, good fortune or witchcraft to assist them, the Super A’s were all too soon a goal down courtesy of Los Diablos’ all natural, attacking perm. Delicious responses from Farnsworth and McInerney delighted the crowd, but their mouth-watering efforts weren’t enough to level the score before the half time whistle sounded.
Hawkins and Lissimore reversed roles for the second half, as the team adopted a steely defensive formation. Los Diablos’, visibly agitated by the Super A’s new tactic, repeatedly remonstrated, shouted and even released toxic anal gasses in an attempt to disorientate their opponents. As true gentlemen of the sport, the Apostrophes maintained their composure, good looks and dignity for the remainder of game, adding another two goals for good measure.
Despite their efforts, the Super A’s left the arena for their post-match drinks with The Rolling Stones, P-Diddy and the Pope with the bitter, stinking, poo-ridden taste of defeat stinging their lips like a bee with a particularly potent death-sting.
Sporting Apostrophes remain in 6th position, six points behind Unsung Heroes. A terrible injustice!
Score: 4-10
Squad: Farnsworth, Hawkins, Hinceman, Lissimore, McInerney.
Goals: Farnsworth (2), McInerney (2).
