Sporting Apostrophes

“Father admires the official merchandise, available from the club shop”

Another sell-out under the arches resulted in a disappointing 8-5 reverse against Belarussion Domination yesterday,

“In the first half we were rubbish” opined chairman Ernest Borgnine. “They punished us good and proper, but we rallied in the second half and put in a good performance. It truly was a game of two testes.”

To the dismay of the fans, the Apostrophes were forced to play without their famous red bibs. Referee Barry Gibb, once again granted the privilege of refereeing a Super A’s classic, insisted that the bibs rendered the team invisible, given the red shirts of Belarus and the red playing surface.

Visibly disorientated by the change of attire, Sporting Apostrophes kicked off with a familiar line-up: Turner donning the hand sheathes; Bocchi’s Italian meat up the rear; Kimberley playing the role of puffing floater; Davies dishing up a generous helping of flair with a side order of goals up top; Stickland shouting up and down the right wing.

Within the first two minutes, the Super A’s were a goal up, courtesy of a hammer-like toe-poke that would grace any primary school playground from Kimberley. The exertion of scoring too much for him, Kimberley chose to rest on his laurels, the injured Hawkins his replacement.

Chants of “Belarus! Belarus!” filled the arches as the Apostrophes opponents upped their game. A flurry of long distance shots ensued, five of which miraculously found their target.

Fans on the terraces wondered whether it was the introduction of Hawkins that led to the embarrassing capitulation. “He’s not fit to wear the bib,” they cried, as Hawkins laboured about the pitch, slower than a pensioner on dialysis, as the referee blew the half time whistle.

The second half saw a marked improvement in the Super A’s performance and aggression. Bocchi and Turner put in a sparkling defensive display, out-leaping and out-muscling their adversaries respectively. With Kimberley and Stickland alternating in the role of soux chef to Davies’ celebrity chef, an improbable victory seemed an outside possibility.

Despite four well taken goals from Davies and a final warning from the referee for Hawkins, the second-gear exploits of the Apostrophes in the first half proved their undoing, with three more goals from Belarus deciding the fixture.

Sporting Apostrophes continue to prop up the second division table. A terrible injustice!

Score: 5-8
Squad: Bocchi, Davies, Hawkins, Kimberley, Stickland, Turner.
Goals: Davies (4), Kimberley (1).