Sporting Apostrophes

Pele's love-children finally unite!

Posted on October 17, 2009

Broken Hawkins forced to sit on the sidelines

Posted under Injuries

Hawkins Shoulder

“Hawkins stares into the middle distance, longing for the day he is reunited with his sheathes”

Handsheath exponent Hawkins‘ season is in ruins as his life-threatening shoulder injury stubbornly refuses to mend.

“I’ve gone through metres and metres of brown paper and at least 10 gallons of vinegar but it’s made no difference,” he whimpered. “The club witch doctor says I need at least another 4-6 weeks of rest. I’m not even allowed to look at an onion. It’s torture!”

Hawkins, author of the definitive guide to the art, science and majesty of 5-a-side goalkeeping, has made 54 appearances for the Super A’s: an all-time club record. Fans refer to him as “the black Peter Shilton” – an uncannily accurate comparison, if one overlooks the fact that Hawkins is neither black nor good in goal.

The club physiotherapist anticipates Hawkins returning to fitness for the match against Minety on 22nd November.

One Response to “Broken Hawkins forced to sit on the sidelines”

  1. Wow, extended absence, shame – maybe we can get that Hertha ‘keeper that has a tendency for flying headers? Just a thought…