Sporting Apostrophes

“No! THIS is how you tackle, young man!”

Probable line-up for Sunday’s game (one additional player TBC):

Bocchi
Diepeveen (TBC)
Kimberley
Mysterious “Moose”
Stickland
Turner

Fans’ favourites - an update

The club has been inundated with phone calls and threats from supporters, demanding to know the whereabouts of some of their favourite players:

• Bonell - on a scouting mission in Ireland, following the chairman’s £30 cash injection to fund new signings.
• Davies - last week’s four-goal hero is resting.
• Hawkins - in Berlin, coaching deprived children to Advanced Fouling and Punishment NVQ Level III standard.
• McInerney - arse still ravaged by buminjuries, but the physio says he’s a cert for Sunday 22nd if he lays off the roll-ups.

Right, that’s cleared up that then.