Sporting Apostrophes vs West End Wanderers
3pm kick-off, Sunday 14th February 2010 at Powerleague London City.
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Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
Sporting Apostrophes vs Favela Kings
3pm kick-off, Sunday 7th February 2010 at Powerleague London City.
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Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
2.20pm kick-off, Sunday 31st January 2009 at Powerleague London City.
Please leave a comment indicating your availability for this unmissable Super A’s fixture.
Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
Sporting Apostrophes vs Deutschland All-Stars (opponent name TBC!)
TBC kick-off, Sunday 9th May 2010 at TBC venue, Berlin, Germany.
We’ll be watching Hertha Berlin vs Bayern Munich on the Saturday at 3.30pm.
Please leave a comment indicating your availability for this unmissable Super A’s fixture.
We’re taking a squad of 8. The match may be 5-a-side, maybe 7-a-side. More news when we have it.
Sporting Apostrophes vs TBC (Exhibition Match)
2.20pm kick-off, Sunday 24th January 2010 at Powerleague London City.
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Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
“Farnsworth must now be considered amongst the greatest onion bag violators of all time. From left to right: Windass, Muller, Pele, Farnsworth.”
Apostrophes legend Farnsworth chalked up his 100th career goal in Sunday’s match against Swan and Speedos. The “terrorist” from Yorkshire achieved his century in just 48 appearances, making a mockery of Torres’ much lauded 50 goals in 72 matches. “Guarantee” Farnsworth capped his record-breaking performance with a 7-goal haul, a personal best for the in-fom striker.
“We’ll need the extra revenue from promotion if we’re to keep hold of him,” remarked chairman Ernest Borgnine. “The fax machine is ablaze with offers from Real Madrid, Man Utd, A.C. Milan and Rotherham. You name a big, prestigious club and I promise you, they’ve come in with a multi-million proposal.”
Farnsworth made his debut for the world’s favourite club against Matraquilhos FC on 20th July 2008.
Sporting Apostrophes vs Team Wang
3.40pm kick-off, Sunday 17th January 2010 at Powerleague London City.
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Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
Sporting Apostrophes vs TBC
TBC kick-off, Sunday 10th January 2010 at Powerleague London City.
FOLLOWED BY:
Sporting Apostrophes vs Centrepoint FC
TBC kick-off, Sunday 10th January 2010 at Powerleague London City.
Please leave a comment indicating your availability for this unmissable Super A’s fixture.
Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
Sporting Apostrophes vs Centrepoint FC (FRIENDLY MATCH)
1pm kick-off, Sunday 20th December 2009 at Powerleague London City.
FOLLOWED BY:
Sporting Apostrophes vs West End Wanderers
1.40pm kick-off, Sunday 20th December 2009 at Powerleague London City.
Please leave a comment indicating your availability for this unmissable Super A’s fixture.
Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
Sporting Apostrophes vs U.B.O.C.
1.40pm kick-off, Sunday 13th December 2009 at Powerleague London City.
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Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
“awaiting photo”
Sporting Apostrophes were awarded a 10-0 victory after their opponents failed to field a team. A hastily arranged friendly resulted in an action-packed match, narrowly lost via a thrilling golden goal for a makeshift Centrepoint FC line-up including “terrorist” Farnsworth.
Match highlights include: a stellar performance for Bell, including an uprecedented four goal haul; an improbable hat-trick for “friendly” Stickland; a rare and mercifully brief outfield appearance for Hawkins; Wessely losing his cool; enemy terrorism from Farnsworth.
Sporting Apostrophes end the season in third, the promotion that is theirs by divine right denied thanks to a terrible second half of the season. A terrible injustice!
Score: 7-8
Squad: Bell, Hawkins, Farnsworth, Stickland, Wessely.
Goals: Bell (4), Stickland (3).
N.B. FRIENDLY GOALS ARE STATISTICALLY INSIGNIFICANT!
1.40pm kick-off, Sunday 6th December 2009 at Powerleague London City.
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Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
“awaiting photo”
El Paso finally ended Apostrophes fans’ dreams of promotion in what proved to be a lacklustre match for the Super A’s.
“That’s that then,” a resigned Ernest Borgnine told reporters at the post-match press conference. “The champagne has been on ice for longer than I care to remember. We were top of the league, top of the world, but we’ve fallen like a polio-ridden orphan on a bucking bronco. It’s easy to try and point the wretched, crooked, poo-scented finger of blame, and in due course I probably will do.”
With Hawkins and Stickland suspended, Lissimore donned sheathes, his first appearance between the sticks since March. Outfield, the Apostrophes boasted their usual galaxy of stars, but a determined El Paso side, eager to return to division I at the first attempt, thwarted their attempts on goal time and time again.
“How dare they stop the ball from entering their net?” the fans wept, emotional at the outright insolence of their team’s adversaries.
With the full time whistle echoing around the stadium, the sullen, despondent sextet retired to the opulent luxury of their changing palace with little to say to each other. A terrible injustice!
Stats
Score: 2-9
Squad: Correa, Farnsworth, Hinceman, Lissimore, Pacheco, Turner.
Goals: Pacheco (1), Turner (1).
“awaiting photo”
The famous yellows racked up their third draw of the season in what proved to be a chaotic fixture against Minety.
“This match should have been abandoned as they didn’t have enough players to field a team,” protested Ernest Borgnine, unable to contain his anger or his urine. “They fielded a guest star from a team within their division, Team Wang in this instance, which is strictly prohibited under Powerleague rules. I tell you, it’s an outrage, a proper, full-on orangutan outrage, and it makes a mockery of this division.”
A lacklustre performance by the Apostrophes boasted few highlights, but Farnsworth deserves praise, having achieved his third hat-trick of the season. Violations by the increasingly ravenous Turner and the ever-reliable Pacheco added to the home-baked quiche.
Sporting Apostrophes’ terrible run of form leaves their promotion campaign in tatters, their only hope being a catastrophic failure on the part of El Paso. A terrible injustice!
Stats
Score: 5-5
Squad: Correa, Farnsworth, Hinceman, Hawkins, Pacheco, Turner, Wessely.
Goals: Farnsworth (3), Pacheco (1), Turner (1).
“Apostrophes fans in the Grammar End show their anger”
Super A’s fans organised a 4-hour naked protest after yesterday’s match to voice their concerns over late match reports.
“Honestly, I don’t know what the hell is going on!” one particularly angry fan seethed, the front of his tan corduroys darkening with urine as he spoke. “I mean… the match reports were pretty rubbish anyway, but as a life-long season ticket holder I deserve my weekly dose of Apostrophes goodness, and who the hell do these people think they are to deny me?”
The club refused to comment, citing witchcraft and The Ghost of Christopher Reeve as the primary obstacles to the publishing process, but off-the-record, unsubstantiated rumours suggest that the Super A’s chief copywriter is undergoing “stress”, “badness” and “onion-mojo depletion” – in no particular order.
Sporting Apostrophes vs El Paso
3pm kick-off, Sunday 29nd November 2009 at Powerleague London City.
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Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
“Turner ‘nose’ where the goal is after his lengthy barren spell”
Sporting Apostrophes’ quest for promotion took a sizeable step backwards, thanks to an unfortunate defeat at the hands of U.B.O.C.
“U.B.O.C. – they’re a solid team – you can see that they wanted it more than us,” Ernest Borgnine told reporters at the post-match briefing. “We have to address this alarming run of form that’s seen us pick up just two points in our last four matches. Our season is at stake, and, quite frankly, it’s not good enough. The billion-strong fan base deserves better.”
The Apostrophes, eager to taste victory for the first time since 18th October, fielded a robust sandwich with meat at both ends. Kimberley returned to the dressing room after a six week absence. The “albino Essien” lined-up beside midfield Mozarts Turner and Wessley, the former amazing fans with his newly-discovered enthusiasm for worshipping at the temple of onion. Pacheco took to the field for his landmark 20th appearance, making him the 10th most capped player in the world famous club’s history.
An unsheathed, yellow Stickland appeared from the players’ tunnel, leaving the Apostrophes’ particularly astute fans to work out the inevitable.
“Oh. My. God. They’re dropping the H-Bomb!” cried fans, as the scent of Hawkins filled every nostril in the stadium. Hawkins’ long-awaited return from the dreaded “lesbian shoulder” was cheered by fans for at least an hour, before the referee commenced the day’s excitement with a robust toot on his whistle.
Like a hoard of feral Tina Turners, the Super A’s launched themselves at U.B.O.C., well aware of the opposition’s propensity for a bit of heave-ho. An ugly, Simon Weston spectacle ensued: not a match for the purist. Turner drew first blood with a sublime finish, his fear of violations now a distant-but-terrifying memory. U.B.O.C. replied, to the dismay of the crowd, as the first half drew to a close.
The second half was much the same: a torrid, unsightly affair of diced, frozen onion, the kind that languishes in the freezer compartment beyond its sell-by date. Kimberley offered a threat of sorts in the middle of the park, while Wessely and Pacheco sought chances on the wing. Stickland resumed defensive duties, as Turner looked to add to his orphan violation, which he duly did with 10 minutes remaining.
Fans hoped for a much-needed victory, but U.B.O.C., eager to make amends for their recent run of poor form against the Super A’s, battled on to take the three points.
With the end of the season approaching and Sporting Apostrophes’ form in free-fall, fans’ hopes of a promotion party are very much on ice. A terrible injustice!
Score: 2-3
Squad: Hawkins, Kimberley, Pacheco, Stickland, Turner, Wessely.
Goals: Turner (2).
Sporting Apostrophes vs Green Park
1.40pm kick-off, Sunday 22nd November 2009 at Powerleague London City.
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Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
Sporting Apostrophes vs U.B.O.C.
3pm kick-off, Sunday 15th November 2009 at Powerleague London City.
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Once availability is confirmed a squad of 7 will be selected. Should there be 8 or more players available, “management” reserve the right to rotate squad members.
“awaiting photo”
Sporting Apostrophes battled to a hard-earned draw against table-toppers Green Park in last Sunday’s mesmerising division II encounter.
“We beat them for the first time earlier in the season, so we knew they’d be gunning for revenge,” Ernest Borgnine informed the attendants at the post-match press jamboree. “They’re a solid, organised side, boasting at least 100 subs for each match, so you’ve got to give them credit. We’re the only team to have pummelled them into submission with the onion cannon, so we have every right to be proud of our achievements.”
Match highlights include: Turner violations, a rare but exciting spectacle; Wessely’s fiery temper getting the better of him; sheath pony from Stickland; Pacheco violation; a rare, onion-free sandwich for Farnsworth, to the dismay of fans; up-tempo groundwork from Correa.
Sporting Apostrophes’ hopes of promotion have taken a firm kick in the teeth, but with Borgnine’s comprehensive dental insurance policy the team have every right to remain optimistic. A terrible injustice!
Stats
Score: 3-3
Squad: Correa, Farnsworth, Pacheco, Stickland, Turner, Wessely.
Goals: Turner (2), Pacheco (1).
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